The Buen Dia Code and the Brothers-in-Crap

“What is your goal pala, ha?!”

--comment of one guy, on Sir Buendia’s puzzle

Dude, last Thursday was like one of the funniest days I’ve had. Yup, life is good.

The first comedy show I had was a few minutes ago after our Algeb-X (lab) teacher Dr. Buendia left already. As usual it was my job to drop off his papers at his locker, which is in the faculty room. I would have left the place if a certain group of guys had already finished their paper, the little puzzle game sir gave all of us. (Yup, that prof was always up to some silly prank…at least the subject didn’t become so dull…) It was all about Multiplication of Polynomials, Special Products, those fancy numbers with x’s and 8’s and other symbols only heaven knows. The puzzle is like this: we’re supposed to match tiles to tiles and paste them on the bond paper supplied to us. If one side had the numbers (x-2)², and the side of the another tile had the numbers x²-4x+4, then you’re supposed put them side by side (since they’re both equal. Math crap). All the sides should match, by the way. Gets? Kung hindi, ayus lang. Kalokohan naman talaga ang algebra…

Anyway, they were the only ones left fidgeting with those squares; I occasionally helped them. They had been there for an hour or so, sweating, scratching and swearing at the insanity that is mathematics. Eventually they gave up and just went pasting on random stuff. That was when I noticed that there were texts behind the paper squares, thanks to the wetness of the paste.

I suddenly had a revelation.

“Uhm, hey guys, may ideya ako.”

“Ano yun?” they responded, analyzing the crap of numbers.

“Baka prinint-out ni sir yung mga equations na yun sa isang scratch paper tsaka chinop-chop.” I further added, “Tingnan niyo. May text na kayong binubuo sa likod.”

To verify this, they looked at the back of two unglued puzzle pieces, which they knew were compatible. Finding out that the text matched, they exclaimed, “Oo nga no!” “De p***!” Their eyes grew wide exceeding my Tarsier-like ones. Since the next class was up, we all went out, and soon, they began to tear the glued pieces and began to check which text matched which. Poor little paper. Ripped and blurred and dirty…

“P***, di ko na mabasa ‘to!” said one looking at a damp and almost unreadable piece.

“Ano ‘to? ‘For achieve’—nasaan yung isa?”

Haha, what a sorry bunch. They were making out whatever they could read from the text. It became a literature puzzle rather than a mathematical puzzle. Tawa kami ng tawa. Hahahay, mas nakakatawa kasi kung nando’n kayo. Tsk, sayang…Here are some wonderful pictures to explain the happeningsh.

The Three Musketeers!

So which is for which?

Can you even read that?

“’What is your goal’ pala ha?”

There is your puzzle, sir! Happy?!

Finally, the happy trio left even writing down th title of the text on the paper.

“‘What is your Goal’ pala, ha?!” one said, talking to the sorry wet mess of a paper.

Dapat bigyan ng sila ng bonus, haha! Nakuha nila rin yung text sa likod!

With that thought in mind, I went along with my usual routine.

***

Then P.E time came by. I had no official P.E. uniform because the delivery of them clothes was slower than a sloth. And their so-called “normal” sizes could fit Goliath quite nicely. So I didn’t buy anything, unless I wanted to look like a scarecrow or something. Rather, I went for the substitutes which our PE teacher agreed for us to use for the meantime.

I was dressing up in a cubicle near the multipurpose room of DLS-CSB Main when suddenly a pair of crazed students came in; one with a demented energetic aura, and the other with a bored attitude like that of Squidward Tentacles.

“Ay salamat may tabo na! Makaka-‘ano’ na ako!” squealed one. His steps clopping happily like a free horse.

Makaka-ano? I thought to myself. Good grief, what was he talking about. Crap, dude. It was all about crap!

“Nakatae ka na ba sa school?” asked that happy boy casually.

“Oo.” replied his pal, with such a placid tone.

“Kailan?”

“Last term…”

SLAM!

Oh sweet mother of hell, he took the cubicle next to mine. I quickly began to pack my stuff for who knows what foul scent can kill me right there.

“Tawagan nalang kita…”

Then I heard it alright. The sound of a mini-machine gun with that “prrrt-prt-prrrt-prt-prrrt-prt-prrrt-prt”.

“Aa! Aaaah…” he moaned. Boy, was he feeling great on his climax. And I was still fidgeting with my bag, hoping for doomsday not to enter my nose.

Did I mention that he farted around 5 times? And that his sound accompanied a gargling sound? Like that of some vile liquid being spurted out of his gluteus maximus? Holy Sh…

“Mabaho ba?” asked the expeller. I really wonder who in his right mind would casually talk about the scent of his feces or fart to anyone.

“Hindi, hindi…” replied his friend in എ tone so dull I wondered if this was a usual thing for him. And I also wondered if he was watching this grotesque show throughout the whole time.

Luckily, no scent was present. And I had finished packing my stuff. So I quickly went out of the cubicle but stayed for a while at the mirror to see if I looked good. As I left the comfort room, a guy in formal wear was filling a pail with water. Yup, this guy was Mr. Tentacles. His eyes were so lazy and his posture so tired he’d be perfect to play a live role of that sea creature. He then bopped his way to the cubicle answering the Thinker of the toilet, “O, eto na. Eto na…”

***

And that was it really. Two jokes in one day. The school day ended with a yet another fun time introduced by Sir June a.k.a Onizuka (well, that’s his idol) in our COMSKI2-X (Lab). Too bad the day ended with a sudden violent revelation about myself…but I’ll leave that for some other time…

And so once again, the day is saved thanks to…Greatest Teacher Onizuka!